Dec 29, 2011

How To Kill Your Church?

  1. Don't come.
  2. If you do come, come late.
  3. When you come, come with a grouch.
  4. At every service ask yourself, "What do I get out of this?"
  5. Visit other churches about half of the time to show your pastor that you are not tied down to him. There is nothing like independence.
  6. Let the Pastor earn his money; let him do all the work.
  7. Sit pretty well back and never sing. If you have to sing, sing out of tune and behind everybody else.
  8. Never pay in advance, especially for religion. Wait until you get your money's worth, and then wait a bit longer.
  9. Never encourage the preacher; if you like a sermon, keep mum about it. Many a preacher has been ruined by flattery. Don't let his blood be on your head.
  10. It is good to tell your preacher's failings to any stranger that may happen in; they might be a long time finding them out.
  11. Of course, you can't be expected to get new members for the church with such a Pastor as he is.
  12. If there happens to be a few zealous workers in the church, make a tremendous protest against the church's being run by a clique.
  13. If your church unfortunately happens to be harmonious, call it apathy or indifference or lack of zeal, or anything under the sun except what it is.
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