Feb 1, 2012

Confessions of a alcoholic

who wouldn’t accept the truth until The Lord interfered.

I have been in the habit of drinking since 1983 and had been a regular/ daily drinker since 1987, presumably on a moderate basis (moderate is my personal definition, anything from 3-4 pegs to a bottle and sometimes even more). Ofcourse, after my marriage the quantity and frequencies did reduce to some extent. I have had a lot of so called fun and friends, owing to my drinking habits and ofcourse a lot of wrongs have been done by me, under the influence of alcohol.

Over the last 23 odd years there would hardly be, no more than a 7-8 days in a year where I missed my drinks and I drank merrily on every Good Friday as well.

I did try to abstain many times and have been successful even upto a year, but I frankly did not have any conviction to actually leave it, as;
1.   I enjoyed and liked it
2.   I always  had my own justifications
3.   All my friends were also of the same kind

I do know that, some of my medical problems are due to my excessive alcohol consumption. I had been advised by many a Doctor to leave it or atleast restrict the quantities/ frequencies and atleast restrict it to social drinking, as I had started enjoying my drinks alone.

It is only since last 2 years that I was gradually drawn to God and until then was an atheist, since 1978/79. Though I was born in a very religious/ orthodox family and had attended Church regularly till my 14 years of age was also the Choir leader, subsequent to 1978/79 I almost never attended Church, till about probably 4/5 months back.

I started praying to Jesus in April/May 2010, prompted/ helped by my wife who got me a prayer book (as I did not remember any of the prayers) and who actually is a Hindu. I was introduced to the Bible by Joshua and started reading the Bible in 2010 around Sept. Though I had atleast one copy at home since 1995, I had never even opened it till then. During the last year and a half, I was regularly reading the bible and could finally understand that my so called knowledge or principles of righteousness were not right in the eyes of our Lord. I really felt like a fool. I did change some of my sinful habits and transgressions, but was never convinced that, I should leave the habit of drinking.

Though I had marked/ highlighted many verses in the Bible, which prohibits or advises against the habit of drunkenness, which struck me and on which I did meditate, like, Ephesians 5; 18, Romans 13; 13, etc, I was never convinced. I always used to say that Jesus used to drink wine, he turned water to wine, he even offers wine during the last supper to his disciples, Paul tells Timothy to have some wine sometimes, etc.

In the past I had once abstained from drinking alcohol continuously for a year, but subsequently restarted it. In 2010 and 2011 I abstained on Good Friday and prior to the Christmas of 2011, I abstained from it for 24 days.

On 13th Jan 2012, I was meditating on 1 Peter 4; 1 to 4, when my entire attention stuck to the verse 3 and the word drunkenness, once again. I started thinking on this one habit, which I still hold on to, and which I know for sure, had led me astray many times.

Many thoughts flashed through my mind like;
-         If you crave for anything then you are indeed a slave to it.
-         You cannot serve two masters faithfully, rather only the Lord should be your master
-         Anyone who has greed or too much of a liking to any worldly thing, is an idolater.
-         Even if you have broken one rule and have kept all the others, you are still a sinner
-         Can one continue to sin even after being dead to sin and now living through Christ?
-         The God who started the good work in you will continue to do it till it is fully done,
-         Faith without deeds is useless and dead.
-         One should live a model/pure life, lest others, who love or admire you, are led astray while trying to imitate you.
-         Whatever be the reasons, circumstances, environment for doing anything good or bad, we do have choices and ultimately it your own choice which makes you to do or not to do. One can never really make anyone else responsible for the choice, other than oneself.

Suddenly I felt an urge to stop this habit, once for all. Then something started happening to me and went into a trance like state and became like a third party in an argument, for and against leaving drinking.

On one side it was being argued that this should stop once for all, on the other side it was being argued that one can or should drink;

·       only occasionally,
·       only when in company of friends,
·       only in parties,  
·       only for client entertainment,
·       only wine,
·       only beer,
·       only on weekends,
·       only in private and not when you are in the public, etc…..

This went on for quite some time and it seemed as if I was watching a drama and wondered what was happening and who these people arguing/ voices are.

Finally, I entered into the scene and said, “Can’t I take a simple decision like this on my own?”  I then decided to leave alcohol once for all, unconditionally and immediately.

Here I stand today a happy and confident man.

I am sure that, I am a very lucky man as this decision of mine to leave alcohol could be taken before I had any major debilitating medical conditions, or before a major disaster happened, though I am not sure of the extent of damage already done. I am also happy and convinced that the Lord loves me very intensely and that, his spirit is in me doing wonders to my life and leading me to the path of righteousness.

Glory and praise be to our Lord forever and ever, in the name of Jesus Christ our savior, amen,

13th January 2012.
A Christian by faith
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